


Burn, Burn, Burn.

by TheUnemployedPhilosopher



Series: 1994 [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Gen, Grumpy Artist Castiel, Lawyer Dean, M/M, Some Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-08
Updated: 2013-09-09
Packaged: 2017-12-25 22:37:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/958402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheUnemployedPhilosopher/pseuds/TheUnemployedPhilosopher
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Life in New York during the 90's would've been colourful for anyone, but it seems that the world is trying to prove a point when it piles one hardship after another on Cas and Dean's relationship. </p><p>- Cas attempts a quiet afternoon at the park only to be interrupted by a family member's brain tumor. Dean wants to combine his boyfriend and job, the two most important aspects of his life, but it goes unexpectedly. Past secrets are revealed as Cas and Dean realize what they mean to each other. -</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> a fluffy kind of fic that was written in two days so it hasn't really been edited to my liking, yeah... don't be surprised if you see a lot of writing issues.

Somehow New York never seemed to age, at least in Dean’s eyes; the buildings were still as intimidating as when he moved two years ago. Looming above the lowered heads of passers by, populating a forest of concrete and glass. 

It was always just as loud too, every morning at 6.00 Dean could hear the clattering of a world at unrest outside of his apartment, easing itself into the new morning. 

That was probably Dean’s favourite moment of the day, leaning out of the window and feeling the cool air envelope him in it’s trance. That and the twenty minutes staring at Cas until he wakes up and flings a pillow at him. 

“I could call the police for sexual harassment you know.” He mumbled into his covers, attempting to fall back asleep even with Dean’s hand running along his arm. 

“I doubt they’d listen with you working so hard at sucking my neck.” 

“I only like you for your looks anyway, once you lose that you’re out buddy.” Cas smirked, nuzzling into Dean’s shoulder and the warmth of his body. 

The vibrant glow of the morning light finally crept up the bedroom wall, encasing the area with colour. A colour, Dean realized, that looked nice with Cas’ complexion. 

“If I asked you to, would you wear more yellow?” His words cracked the silence that settled and he heard the roughness of sleep fade from his voice. The sleepy lump in his arms only shifted a little before he spoke. 

“I have ten minutes before I have to get up, are you going to let me sleep in peace or do I have to kill you and hide your body for any rest?” 

Dean only smiled and kissed the back of Cas’ neck, liking how the soft hairs there made his lips feel prickly. Cas grunted appreciation as Dean lifted softly off the bed and walked into the bathroom to get ready for work. 

Cas brought over his toothbrush and a couple of other belongings a few weeks ago, relenting to Dean’s constant revival of the conversation. Saying in a passing remark that if a toothbrush was so important to Dean he should be dating it and not him. But it was a big step for both of them, Dean knew that Cas would never have done it if he didn’t feel comfortable about the next stage of their relationship. 

His resistance to taking a relationship seriously wasn’t a secret, Dean liked to blame it on the lack of a parental guardian in his life. Cas grew up in a few foster homes and was one of the many kids who had a bad experience with it. 

What Dean realized was that Cas was full of stories that seemed to end with him being abandoned, left to find food on his own or a place to stay with a stranger. 

He was left to fall on his own. 

That’s how Dean accepted the grumpy, sarcastic and sometimes irate undertones to pretty much all of Cas’ conversations. He even grew to enjoy when a sharp come back didn’t affect him like it did and Cas had to stop dodging the conversation. 

~

Once Dean was fully awake and dressed, Cas shuffled into the bathroom. 

“Wow, and they say the dead can’t walk.” He chuckled as Cas threw him a cold glare. 

“The jokes on you necrophiliac.” He responded, feeling the smack of a swift hand hit the back of his head as Dean left for the kitchen. 

He poured himself coffee and left a steaming cup for Cas, trying to sip it and shuffle through the papers from his briefcase at the same time. 

“What are going to do today?” Cas asked as he sat at the counter and nudged the coffee under his face so that the steam curled around his mouth. 

“Bobby wants the Flesher case filed before next Monday, so probably meet with her and tell her a bunch of lawyer-ly stuff she won’t understand until she pays us more.” 

His boyfriend nodded, still enjoying the heat on his face. 

“What are you gonna do?” 

“Create shit.” 

“Painting, it’s called painting in some cultures.” Dean admonished. 

“Mhhm” 

“...I want to take you out tonight.” That wasn’t really a question, but he thought it would be nice to let Cas know what he was planning so he could put on a pair of pants before dinner. Maybe a nice shirt. 

“Where?” 

“I don’t know, whatever you feel like when I call you before leaving work.” 

“Okay.” 

Dean kissed him while reaching for his briefcase, casting a glance over his shoulder on the way out and laughing softly at the bed-headed man sitting at the counter. 

~

The smell of the city hit Dean as he left the apartment building, it was unmistakable and powerful; something familiar to anybody who visited or lived in a metropolis. 

Humanity moved fast around him, talking on their cellphones or rushing to get a coffee before work. They barely noticed each other, doing exactly the same things everybody else was doing, only with different stories to tell. 

Dean liked that, the strange comradery among them; they didn’t know each other at all but every morning they all walked to work together. 

It was such a contrast to Dean’s childhood, his hometown of Lawrence, Kansas, was hardly New York City. There, you could walk down the street and nine times out of ten you’ll meet a neighbor who wants to talk about next Sunday’s barbecue. To Dean, that was stifling, he needed the air of the city to thrive. 

~

The commotion at the law office was thrumming, papers were being shoved into files and keyboards being pecked at like the world was ending. Secretaries rushed in and out of the District Attorney’s office, handing him notes and taking dictation. 

As Dean walked past the open office door, he caught Benny Lafitte’s eye and the man motioned him to come in. Sighing inwardly, and not relishing the idea of catching Benny during one of the busiest hours, Dean reluctantly walked in and closed the door behind him. 

“I need to talk to you.” Benny nodded toward the chair opposite him. It was dark cherry and uncomfortable, an accent to the rest of the office which was decorated exactly how a Southern District Attorney would decorate it. Complete with classical paintings of farm animals hanging beside floor to ceiling bookcases. 

“I’m going to give the Fletcher case to Lisa.” Benny put his hand up to stop Dean’s immediate objection. “I think she can handle it better that’s all. The client’s female and having a woman representing the firm in court will be a powerful statement.”

“Yeah, powerfully stupid.”

“Dean”

“You know that’s a dumb idea, if you move me out of this one you’ll have a prosecutor whose got no fucking idea what they’re doing!” Dean’s face felt like it was on fire. How could Benny just throw him out of a case that he’s worked so hard on? 

For a year and a half he’s been the backbone to this murder case, advising, researching, and taking care of the client. To take him out of it now would be like taking away part of his life for the past year; all to make a political statement in court. 

“The client knows me, Suzanne said she trusts me. Have you asked her what she thought about it?” Dean asked, trying to take his breathe slowly and bring his blood pressure down. 

“Yes, I talked to her and she said she understands. As long as the case continues along the way it’s going, she’s fine with it.” Benny leaned back in his luxurious desk chair. 

Dean exhaled sharply. He clenched his hands into fists by his side and tried not to think about every expletive he could hurl at his boss. Even without this career making case, he still didn’t want to lose his job. 

“I’m going to give you another case, something I know you can handle and most likely excel at.” 

The subtle compliment from his boss was lost in Dean’s mind, amid the complexities of inter-office politics and the fact that he was losing a major case in his career from a high profile client. 

“Okay, I’ll let Lisa in on some of the case that she needs to know about.” Dean’s voice sounded pathetically complacent in the solemn air of the office.

“Thank you, and I promise none of this has anything to do with your ability to handle a high profile case. In fact I’ve heard nothing but good things come from the client about you.” 

“Yeah, sure.” He didn’t really care what came out of Benny now, other than an apology but he doubted that was going to happen. 

He walked out of the office and over to his desk, meeting a peppy Jo along the way. 

“What’d the boss man want?” 

Dean sighed and ran a hand through his hair. An action that his co-worker didn’t miss; she patted him on the back consolingly.  
“Lisa’s got the Fletcher case now.” 

Jo’s mouth dropped, her dark lipstick rimmed her lips perfectly and making the reaction more dramatic. He chuckled despite his sour mood when they reached his desk. 

“How could he do that, he knows how hard you’ve worked?” 

Dean shrugged. “He said something about politics.” 

“Oh I get, she’s a woman; he wants a woman representing the firm huh? What a bag of horse-” 

“Harvelle!” Benny’s voice carried over from where he leaned out of his office. “I need those briefs.” 

Jo nodded and cast a sorrowful glance at Dean as she scurried off to do her job. 

Hopefully Cas was having a better day. 

~

The silence of Dean’s apartment was cloistering. An occasional growl of an angry cab interrupted the stagnant air. Cas had to get out of there, had to do something to keep his mind busy; that’s what Dean said to do and it seemed like sound advice. The cold blue walls looked so much more ominous without Dean’s presence there. 

He liked it when his boyfriend would hum some random classic rock song, Dean would try to act cool while doing it but ended up swaying and bobbing his head to the rhythm. Then would find Cas smiling at him, feel self-conscious, and ask Cas what he was staring at. That only made Cas’ smile widen. 

It was closing in on noon, five hours until Dean came home from the office. The office that Cas hated; he only visited it once but the moment he smelled shoe polish and heard the sway of expensive suits, his mind was made up for him. Dean’s co-workers didn’t help either, Benny could have been a little more delicate when Dean introduced his boyfriend and Jo was a bit... overwhelming. Thankfully, Dean hasn’t asked him to go there again. 

He went to find the only pair of pants he brought from his place, a ratty pair of light-wash jeans, but Cas had a feeling the occupants of New York wouldn’t mind his lack of fashion sense. One of Dean’s shirts would have to do. Thanks to Dean, his Rolling Stones shirt had marinara sauce from last night’s spaghetti dinner. It was a little big, but Cas’ jacket covered any tailoring issues. On the way out, he grabbed his old sketchbook, the tattered cover almost falling off from Cas’ haste.

He nodded politely to the doorman but was careful not to make eye contact; that might have caused a response, or even worse, a conversation. 

The Summer air was crisp, reminding Cas that it was close to September. A time when probably every artist feels the most inspired. When the wind ruffled his hair, Cas remembered that he didn’t brush it since yesterday. He ran a hand through it a few times and glanced around to see if anybody was staring, but they were all too interested in themselves to catch his lack of social grace. 

Bean, the little coffee shop by the apartment, was selling their fresh cookies, little shortbread cookies that made you want to drink more coffee while scarfing them down. He spent about two minutes outside the shop’s window, contemplating whether he should get some fresh or not before deciding there were too many people hovering around the counter. Maybe Dean would be willing to buy some tomorrow. 

His favourite bench was clear from any midday lunch eaters, it was located a few clicks away from an old dogwood tree and would sometimes collect the pink-stained petals along its seat. This time of year though it just collected bird droppings and the occasional nut shell from a squirrel. 

Cas laid out his sketchpad opposite him, and sat with his back against the bench’s metal armrest to view the dogpark. There weren’t many animals or owners, except for a Doberman and it’s owner perusing the area for anybody who might be impressed. Cas quickly made a few lines to express their stance; the gentle curve of the dog’s back as he was pulled on the leash, the owner’s ostentatious head lift. It looked nice along with a background of the park’s landscape. He captured the shaded areas with harsh cross-hatching and liked the way it turned out. 

His visits to the park were always relaxing to Cas’ inner artist, they didn’t pressure him to be ‘powerful’ or ‘innovative’. It was just him and a sketchbook recording life in New York. Dean would sometimes go with him, fling breadcrumbs at the geese or hover over Cas’ shoulder to sneak a peek at his drawing. Cas would slap him away, saving the last look until he was done with Dean’s profile. 

After about an hour, Cas heard his cell phone ringing from his coat pocket. He pulled out the antenna and answered a quick hello into the phone; Dean wouldn’t be calling this early. 

“Is this Castiel Novak?” A woman’s voice asked. 

“Yes.”

“I’m a nurse at Open Arms Hospital in Massachusetts, we have a Joshua Nokav committed here, and he listed you as his contact. He came in with complaints about a headache… I’m afraid it’s a little more serious than what he thought it was.” She sounded complacent, almost leaning on the side of patronizing. 

Cas’ throat suddenly felt dry, his mouth hung open in confusion. Why had his father listed him as a contact? They hadn’t talked in years, in fact their last visit ended on a bad note. He knew of his drinking problem, and the drugs, but the nurse didn’t mention those. So what could be wrong? 

“Are you available to come in and talk with Doctor Swanson today?” She asked. 

“Sure, I’ll be there as soon as I can.” He answered with a hoarse voice. 

This was making him uncomfortable. His father knew he didn’t like responsibility, he should have put Gabriel as the contact, or Anna. She could have handled this better than him, she was always the little caretaker, taking after Naomi’s take-charge nature. 

Cas folded up his sketchpad, in his haste still making sure not to smudge the lines. It only took fifteen minutes to walk to the subway from the park, once there he’d get off at the second stop and take a cab to the hospital. The only problem was the rush of people trying to get back to work from their late lunch break. He scooted through crowds in the subway station and apologized to the few he bumped into, even when they sent withering glares in his direction. 

The cab drive was especially anxiety inducing, there was nothing he could do but just sit there and wait for the traffic to move. The driver tried to stir up a conversation but Cas was too distracted to pay much attention. 

All of his childhood, Cas would say both of his parents died in a car crash when he was asked. His father was barely around in any school activities anyway, and when he was, it was half-drunk and embarrassing. Gabriel would always say it was their mother’s death that made him that way, unfortunately, she died when Cas was five so the intoxicated father figure was all he ever knew. 

Naomi was the one that tried to keep the family together and when she left for college, the seams ripped completely. She lost contact with her father, and always blamed her work schedule for her absence from the younger sibling’s activities. Gabriel dropped out of high school during his senior year, moved to Philadelphia and got a job at a magic shop there. According to his last letter he’s now the manager. 

When Gabriel and Naomi left, it was just Anna and Cas who had to deal with their father’s vices. Anna was five years older than her brother, and along with that age gap came an older sibling responsibility. 

He always felt bad for her, she shouldn’t of had to deal with his panic attacks or the bad grades he got at school. She knew the grades weren’t because of his intelligence, he was smarter than the anyone else in the Novak household; at one point, she used the excuse that it was peer pressure. 

In reality, it was just that he didn’t care. He didn’t give a rat’s ass if A train left the station thirteen minutes later than B train. Anna would sometimes flip through his school notebooks and find hundreds of sketches, all of them impressive but not one about the lessons. She knew drawing helped the panic attacks though, so she kept up the excuses to his teachers and tried to tutor Cas as best she could. 

Cas looked up from his drumming fingers on the cab’s armrest and saw the Open Arms Hospital looming above his head. He quickly paid the driver and walked in through the sliding doors. The place was full of tired looking patients and family members, sitting either at the small waiting room or talking to the receptionist in the front. Cas made a beeline for the receptionist. 

“Excuse me, can you tell me where Joshua Novak is located?” He asked above the other sounds of the bustling waiting room. The girl sitting there looked up hastily, smiled, and shuffled through her papers to find the room where Cas’ father was. 

“Just down the hall on your right, past five doors and then to your left.” She said chirpily. Cas didn’t like how perky she was, he always thought people who worked in hospitals should be melancholy. 

‘I guess nurses need coffee too.’ He thought as he passed the fifth door down the hall. 

He peered into the room where the receptionist directed him and saw his father’s form laying in bed, sleeping. Just as he was about to prepare himself and walk in, he felt a hand touch his arm. 

“Castiel Novak?” A man’s voice said in his ear. 

“It’s just Cas.” Cas said as he turned around. The doctor smiled understandingly. 

“I’m Doctor Swanson. Why don’t we go talk in my office while your father sleeps.” 

Cas nodded and followed the doctor to a small office further along the hall. He sat down in one of the creaky wooden chairs and waited for Doctor Swanson to speak first. 

“Your father admitted himself here at Open Arms complaining about a headache two days ago, and well, according to the tests we’ve made, he’s a heavy drinker?” 

Cas nodded again.

“And he has a considerable amount of drugs in his system, not prescribed to him. Unfortunately though, that’s not all that’s wrong with your father Mr. Novak.” 

“Cas”

“Of course. There’s really no easy way of saying this, I’m afraid your father has a brain tumor.” The doctor said slowly, he was used to family members hearing this kind of news and having to repeat himself or console them. Cas nodded a third time, solemnly. Doctor Swanson’s eyes showed confusion but he continued anyway. 

“We found the tumor yesterday and couldn’t get a hold of you until today-”

“I wasn’t at my flat yesterday.” Cas said, recalling that he spent the whole day at Dean’s. 

“Right. Well, I’m sorry Cas, Joshua’s cancer has been growing without any knowledge about it. Maybe if your father came in earlier and we were able to locate it he could have undergone treatment, but after so long an incubation period…” The doctor looked up from the top of his glasses. 

Doctor Swanson was attractive, and tall, Cas wondered how many affairs he was having. Judging by the way the doctor fiddled with his wedding band, he guessed at least two. Probably one with a wife of a dying patient. 

“Mr. Novak?”

The doctor’s voice cut through Cas’ insensitive thoughts and he immediately put on the saddest look he could muster. 

“Uh, sorry. I was just thinking about how I’m going to tell my sister.” Cas lied, but it earned him a solemn nod from Swanson. 

“Would you like to see your father before signing any of the paperwork?” 

Cas cleared his throat. 

“Sure- I mean, yes, yes I would.” 

~

Dean called Cas’ phone without any answer. He got worried knowing Cas wouldn’t let Dean wait like this unless something happened. He decided it was just best to go back to his apartment to see if he was there. 

“Maybe he’s taking a nap.” Dean muttered as he swung his suit coat off his desk chair and over his back. He readjusted his suspenders when they pinched his neck, grabbed his briefcase and patted Jo’s head as he passed by her desk. 

“See ya later, Jo.” 

She smiled up at him as he left through the office doors. 

“Kiss him once for me!” She called after him. 

~

After searching his flat and finding it empty, Dean decided to change from his suit into casual clothes and call Cas’ apartment phone. This time he picked up. 

“Hello” 

“Cas! What’s the big idea not picking up when I call you?” He sounded angrier than he felt, he was just relieved Cas answered. 

“Oh, sorry. I was uh... are you at your place?” He asked. 

“Yeah, we’re still going out for dinner you know. You’re not getting out of it.” 

“Okay, I’ll be over in a minute.”

He sounded tired, stressed. Dean tried to figure out what could have happened in the five hours since he’d been at work, but only ended up more confused than before. 

Dean straightened up the place while waiting for Cas to arrive. He washed the few dishes in the sink and fluffed up the couch’s pillows, and after that came to the conclusion that he needed new pillows. When he was throwing towels into the hamper he heard his door click. 

“Cas?” He called as he rounded the corner into the entryway. His boyfriend looked as tired as he sounded, carrying a bag of clothes Dean guessed came from his place, but still smiled when he saw Dean. 

“Hi” 

“What’s going on?” 

“Eh, life stuff. Are you hungry?” Cas shrugged off his jacket and draped it over the couch. 

“Sure,” Dean would get to the bottom of this during dinner, he just had to catch Cas at the right moment to divulge information. “Where do you want to go.” 

“Pizza.” 

“We had pizza Monday.”

“Pizza.”

“Don’t you want something different?” 

He shook his head, “pizza.”

Dean laughed and pulled Cas into a kiss. 

“I hate you.” He mumbled against his mouth. 

“I know.” Cas hummed back before pushing away and saying he was going to take a shower. 

“Don’t be long, I wouldn’t want all the pizza to be eaten before we get there.” Dean said to Cas’ back. 

There was definitely something wrong, Dean could tell by the way Cas held his gaze that he was keeping something from him. 

He didn’t know much about Cas’ family, just that he didn’t have a good relationship with his father; and he knew that he didn’t talk to his siblings much. Maybe this had to do with his art, maybe with his part time job at the video rental place. Dean’s mind exhausted at least twenty possible reason before he heard the water stop and a few minutes later Cas walked out, wearing the clothes he got from his apartment. 

“Ready?” He asked, hair still damp from the shower. 

Dean nodded and locked the door on their way out. 

~

Freddie’s pizza kitchen was crowded, but thanks to Dean’s friendly relationship with Sean (the son of Freddie and now owner of the restaurant), they were able to bypass the waiting area and follow the waitress to a table. 

She placed the menus down and asked what they wanted to drink. 

“Two waters please.” Dean answered. 

She nodded and walked away swiftly to another table that needed attention. 

Cas concentrated on the menu, focusing unrelentingly on the choices of pizza toppings. 

“I know you’re avoiding me asking this, but what’s wrong?” 

Without looking up, Cas sighed. 

“My father has a brain tumor.” 

Dean’s face looked exactly the way Cas imagined it would; shocked, confused, with a tinge of awkwardness. He waited to see if Cas would say something like ‘it’s a sad business and of course I’m distraught’ but he didn’t, instead looking back at the menu. 

“Here are the waters!” The waitress placed them down, spilling some on the table. 

“Thanks, we just need more time figuring out what we want.” Dean said absently, cleaning the spill with his napkin. 

“Sure, no problem.” She hurried off again. 

“Cas, aren’t you upset?” 

Cas rubbed his temple. 

“Should I be?” 

Dean could see he was sincere. 

“Um, yeah, I mean- I would be if it was my dad.” 

“That’s your dad, not mine. I barely know my father, he wasn’t interested in my life so why should I care what the fuck happens to his?” Cas said bitterly, forcing the straw out of its wrapping and into his water. 

“So, you visited him, at the hospital?” 

“Yes. Open Arms Hospital, it’s a nice place. If one of us gets sick or something we should go there. Just don’t ask for Doctor Swanson. I think he’s having a few affairs, and I want a doctor with every attention on me and my illness not the nurse in the tight uniform.” 

“How long does he have?” Dean asked, ignoring Cas’ attempt to deflect the conversation again. 

“I don’t know, until his wife finds out. I guess it depends on how smart she is.” 

“You know what I mean.” 

“For fucks sake, Dean. What makes you think I want to talk about this right now?” 

“It’s not right that you won’t talk about it, you need to get it out-” 

“And then what? Cry over some ice cream about how screwed up my life is? About how my dad was shit at doing anything, even loving his children?” 

Dean grabbed Cas’ hand from the table, thankful that he let him take it in his, and stared at it. Soothing it as he tried to think about what to say to calm Cas down. For Cas though, that was all he needed. Not some textbook response that was supposed to remind him that things could be worse, just an action that meant Dean was there for him. 

The waitress came back before either of them could say anything. Dean ordered for them both and they ate in comfortable silence until Cas asked about Dean’s work. 

“The typical barrel of laughs. Oh yeah, I got kicked off the Fletcher case.” 

Cas laughed and looked up to see Dean completely serious. 

“You’re joking right?”

Dean shrugged. 

“What? You’re completely off?” 

“Yep, Benny put Lisa on it. He said he wanted female representation on it.” 

“What a-.” 

“It’s okay though, he gave me another one, almost as high-profile.” 

“No it’s not okay,” Cas’ voice was calm but adamant. “You worked hard on that case and you deserved to get the praise for it.” 

Dean watched Cas’ face intently, he loved it when he got protective over him. He became confident, and it showed in his eyes. 

“Your boss is a dick.” Cas mumbled as he broke their eye contact, he lowered his head again to stuff a slice of vegetable pizza in his mouth. 

“Yeah I know.” Dean smiled.


	2. Chapter 2

The next day was going to be hard for Cas, there was a party being held by Dean’s boss and his boyfriend wanted him to go. One of the parties where you had to shake as many sweaty palms as possible before moving up the career ladder. 

Of course, Cas hated it. He only went to one before, and that was just a cocktail party, but it was still as stifling as he thought it would be. 

At formal gatherings, Cas came as Dean’s friend. Dean said it was to avoid the explanation. That, as well as having to buy a new suit was putting Cas off of that night. 

Dean’s voice was firm on the other line when Cas called him that morning. 

“Don’t worry, I’m going to go with you and pick out a nice one. I want you to look nice tonight, and knowing your sense of fashion you’d come in sweat pants.” 

“You mean you want me to look sexy when I arrive as your friend?” Cas asked testily. 

He heard a sigh on the other line and then silence. Cas barely made out the sound of paper in the background, voices talking authoritatively, the sounds of a law office.

“You know that if I could, I would do anything for us.” Dean’s voice came out rough and stressed. 

“Except admit you love me.” 

“Stop it, Cas.” 

“Fine. I’ll talk to you later.” 

Dean put the phone down on its receiver angrily, it wasn’t the phone’s fault but he couldn’t help but hate it at that moment. Once he was higher up in his career, where he wanted to be, he could come out more openly. It was just hard to get that across to your boyfriend. 

He thought that meeting his boss and some co-workers would make Cas feel better about the situation they were in, but Benny didn’t help with his stiff demeanor. The one time he tried to incorporate his boyfriend in another aspect of his life, it went wrong. 

Dean tried to get his mind back into what he was doing, but after fifteen minutes of staring blankly at the documents in his hands he gave up. 

Benny was sitting at his desk rummaging over folders placed methodically around him, being more productive than Dean. He looked up when he heard Dean tap at his office door. 

“Can I be off early today? I wanted to visit my brother and his place is all the way-”

Benny lifted his hand in affirmation as an answer; his phone rang and Dean took that as a perfect opportunity to offer no other explanation. He walked quickly back to his desk and swept up his belongings. 

His last visit to Sam’s was a while ago and he felt guilty when he didn’t see him at least twice a week. Sam didn’t say anything about it but he could tell it made him feel better. 

Jess lived with him ever since the accident, she was a medical student which made it easy for her to take care of Sam and set up appointments for him. Dean couldn’t have picked a better girlfriend, and it wasn’t for lack of trying because he did. What Dean thought was girlfriend material wasn’t exactly up Sam’s alley, and when his brother introduced Jessica to him he was pleasantly surprised. 

She was polite, charming, beautiful, and Dean couldn’t figure out what she saw in his moose of a brother. The only problem was after the car accident she partially blamed Dean for what happened, she didn’t outright say it but her looks and the way she talked to him were clearly embittered. 

He understood, he still blamed himself for Sammy’s condition. It wouldn’t be a complete day without thinking about how he could have done things differently, wondering what he could have said or done to keep Sam from driving that night. 

When he rang the bell of their apartment, a smiling Jess answered the door with a bowl of what looked like macaroni and cheese in her arm. 

“Dean, hi!” She pulled him into a half-hug, being careful not to drip any cheese mixture on his expensive suit. 

“Hey,” he walked in after her and closed the door behind him. “Where’s Sammy?” 

“He’s in the living room, reading one of his books.” Jess grabbed a wooden spoon from a holder by the stove, thoroughly mixing the contents of the bowl with it. She kept her eyes downcast, concentrating on her cooking.

“You two okay?” Dean asked, pulling out a bar stool by the kitchen island. 

“Yeah, of course.” She glanced up and saw his look of uncertainty. “It’s just- he gets in these moods, where he feels useless, you know? It’s like there’s nothing I can do to make him feel better.” 

“So you make macaroni and cheese?” Dean looked at the gooey mixture and she chuckled. 

“You know how he likes it. Every Friday night; if I don’t restock the ingredients it’s like World War III is announced.” 

“Yeah, he can be an A+ pain in the ass. Should’ve told you that before you got caught up in his charming personality.” 

“Was that a compliment I heard from you Dean?” Jess faked a surprised look. 

“Hell no, I was being sardonic.” He said adamantly, quickly sticking one of his fingers in the bowl and stealing some of the contents.

“Why does that not surprise me?” Sam’s voice mumbled behind him. 

Dean turned around with the smile he only reserved for Sammy, the older brother kind of smile that he felt could only be shown to him. Sam returned it if a little grudgingly. 

“Hey Sammy! How are you feeling, princess?” Dean clapped him on his back. 

“Lousy, and don’t call me that.” 

“Ah come on Sam, don’t be rude.” Dean pushed Sam’s wheelchair over to a small table, just a few feet away from the kitchen. Sam huffed at his brother’s reprimand. “And don’t make that noise at me. If you’re not thankful for your beautiful girlfriend slaving over a hot stove then I’ll take her.” 

“Oh yeah? Is that before or after you turn heterosexual?” 

“Neither, she can be my and Cas’ housekeeper.” Dean sat down opposite Sam and didn’t see when Jess walked up behind him with a couple of beers. 

“Ha! No such luck buddy, you’re gonna have to scrape the grime from your apartment yourself.” She said, placing the beers on coasters and walking away. 

“So Castiel doesn’t clean house huh?” Sam asked, taking a swig from his beer. 

“Uh, no, not exactly. Even if he did feel like cleaning he’d probably burn the place down if he tried.” 

“You know, I’d be able to talk to you about this stuff in more detail if I actually met your boyfriend.” Sam added with a petulant glare. 

“I promise, as soon as I tell him I have an ass for a brother then I’ll bring him over. I need to let that down on him delicately, it could scare him if I don’t.” 

“Oh shut up.” 

~

Cas flexed his fingers, glared at the cash register, hit it and looked around quickly to see if anybody noticed. Thankfully the only one who did was a little girl of five who didn’t care enough to look appalled at his actions. 

The equipment at the video rental place where he worked was notorious for not working. He tried to talk to his boss about it a couple times, but those little sessions usually ended with Cas telling himself never to ask Crowley about anything again. 

He hit it once more and this time it made the sound a dying cat would make on it’s last breath. Cas sighed, he would have to talk to Charlie about it. She was the only co-worker he liked at the store and a genius with anything electronic oriented. They usually took their lunch breaks together, sometimes Cas would even feel comfortable enough to talk about his life with her. 

She seemed to understand the kind of personality Cas had and didn’t press him when he chose not to go after a conversation. Charlie was happy all the time, it surprised Cas that he liked that about her. Most of the time he hated those kind of people, with the perpetual grin on their face, but Charlie seemed so genuine it was hard not to appreciate it. 

“What’s wrong, angel face? The bad old cash drawer make fun of your mommy again?” Meg’s voice echoed blandly from in the register area. It was an octagonal counter surrounded by plastic shielding, it had better protection than some banks Cas had seen. 

“Go make yourself useful somewhere else, Meg.” Cas snapped back. 

His co-worker made an offended face and then chuckled. 

“Aw, baby’s got a new pair of balls. Did your boyfriend lend you those or are they on loan?” She smirked, clearly pleased with herself. Meg lifted herself onto the ledge of the counter and swung her legs lazily as she waited for Cas’ response. 

“You know if you actually worked as much as you verbally assaulted me, you might be able to make it to assistant manager. I say might because I don’t know if that job requires the personality traits of a slut.” 

“Oh yeah, definitely, judging by the way Crowley likes to stare at my ass as I walk away.” 

Cas attempted to ignore her as he tried to pry open the drawer with a pen. 

“That’s not going to work.” Meg whispered in his ear tauntingly. She jumped off the counter and approached the register. A few hits at a certain spot on the side made the drawer shove out with a clanging sound, she smiled at her victory. 

“Thanks.” Cas endeavored to put as much malice as he could into that single word, along with a look of annoyance for good measure. 

“No problem. If you need help with any other issues, especially those related to sex, let me know.” She didn’t glance back to see the hand gesture Cas directed toward her. As fate would have it though, the little girl from before did. She looked at him with large, confused eyes and whispered something to her mother. 

Before he could see what happened next, the store’s phone rang and he picked it up, thankful for the distraction. 

“Hello, Dante’s Video Palace, we’re here to give you fire-y good deals in videos.” Cas answered in a monotone sound. 

“Hi, yes I’d like to purchase a man. 5.9 in height, dark hair, grumpy disposition. Oh and if I can get the model that leaves his clothes all over the bedroom floor, that’d be perfect.” 

Cas smiled, his bad mood disappeared as Dean’s voice carried over the line. 

“I’m sorry, that model was so popular we haven’t been able to restock it yet. Can I interest you in something else?” Cas played along, he leaned against the counter and noticed the mother and daughter staring at him so he turned around again. 

“Yeah, how about lunch and then suit shopping?” 

“Sounds good, except for the shopping part.” 

“I’ll pick you up in half an hour, be ready.” 

“Yes sir.” Cas hung up and pretended to be busy as Crowley walked up with his lunch bag. 

“Castiel, you’re off in an hour right? I need you to reorganize the Adventure aisle before you leave.” He said, turning around immediately, not caring if he got a response or not. 

“Actually I’m set to be off in half an hour.” Cas informed him, dread rising in his chest. 

“Those shelves aren’t going to restock themselves, now are they?” Crowley said over his shoulder. 

Cas bit back the angry outburst ready to escape. Instead taking it out on the counter which he gripped tight enough to choke if it was alive. He’d have to tell Dean to wait for him, which he hated to do. It wasn’t Dean’s job to deal with Crowley’s horrible personality. 

As he carried the boxes of videos over to the designated aisle, he smelled the strawberry perfume only Charlie wore. 

“Hey, Cas! I thought you were off before two o’clock today?” She asked, helping by taking a box from his full hands. 

“Crowley’s a piece of shit.” Cas offered as his only explanation. 

“Can’t argue with that. Is Dean picking you up today?”

Cas eyed her suspiciously. “Yes, why?” 

“No reason, I like him that’s all. He makes it seem like there’s a gooey center to that crisp exterior of yours.” She smiled sweetly and set the box down next to the rest. 

“You should be off work by now.” Cas observed while placing King Kong in between Romancing the Stone and The Princess Bride. 

“Yeah, I have to wait for my ride though. Need help?” 

“You just want to wait around to meet Dean again.” 

She shrugged and knelt down beside Cas to start shoving videos into the shelves. 

“Guilty, can’t blame a girl for trying. How are things going with him anyway?”

“He wants me to go to a work party with him tonight.” 

Charlie gasped as if that was the most romantic thing she heard all day.

“That’s nice!”

Cas shook his head, “he wants me to come as his friend.” 

“Oh. He’s just not ready to -” 

“I don’t want to hear another excuse, I’ve already acknowledged the fact he’s being jerk about this.” 

Charlie placed Blast from the Past into a shelf above her head. 

“Cas, you’re not in this relationship alone. You’re gonna have to accept that Dean may not be ready to unveil he’s gay in front of all the people he’s going to need job references from.” 

“It’s like he’s ashamed of me.” Cas stared at the shelf of videos, as if just figuring out that’s the reason why he was so upset. He looked back at Charlie, her eyes were understanding but she looked like she had more to say. 

That’s when he heard Dean’s voice talking to someone at the front register. Cas turned around and saw Meg leaning over the counter, talking to his boyfriend with one of the most carnivorous smiles he’d ever seen light her face. 

Cas watched as Meg pointed to where Cas was half-heartedly, her hand barely lifting from where it was languidly draped over her arm. Dean smiled politely and walked to the Adventure aisle. 

“Hi” He grabbed Cas’ hand in his and smiled at Charlie.

“She’s a real tiger.” He said, indicating Meg who was still watching them from her perch. 

Charlie chuckled. “Yeah, we have to pry her off some of the more attractive customers when they come in.” 

Dean laughed and glanced down at the boxes of videos still at Cas’ feet. 

“I have to finish stocking these and then we can go.” Cas said regretfully, waiting for an irritated response. 

“Okay, I’ll go pick out a movie for later.” 

“I thought we were going to the party tonight?” Cas asked, squinting at Dean in confusion. 

“You don’t think I want to stay at that snooze fest all night do you?” Dean squeezed his hand before leaving for the Thriller section. 

“I like him.” Charlie said, grinning at Cas. 

He rolled his eyes, “so you’ve said.” 

~

After eating at a sub shop that Dean picked out, they both decided to walk to the tailors. The traffic was typical for a Friday afternoon, busy but not so much that you had to kick and scream to get anywhere in it. They stopped by a peanut vendor and Dean bought Cas an ½ pound bag of toasted nuts. 

Cas tried to hide his smile as he walked and threw a peanut in his mouth, not very well though. 

“What are you smiling at?” Dean asked, avoiding a young woman with a stroller coming the opposite way. Cas shrugged. “Tell me or I’ll take back the nuts.” 

He waited a few minutes before responding. “I’m like your mistress.” 

“What?” Dean’s brow furrowed as kept on eye on Cas and where he was walking. 

“You don’t see this as kind of a Pretty Woman scenario?” 

“I thought we said we wouldn’t talk about that, it’s over.” Dean said with an edge to his voice. 

“I know, I know. But I mean- you’re the rich one, I’m the loser who works a part time job. We have sex, you buy me all the things I could ask for and is in love with me.” Cas shrugged, "it looks pretty clear from where I'm standing." 

Dean chuckled, “who says I’m in love with you?” 

“Oh really? Well fine, then I’m not going to your little party tonight. You can just go by yourself.” Cas made to turn around and walk the other way but Dean caught his hand and turned him back around. 

“Fine, our entire life is the plot line to Pretty Woman and I love you with the passion of a thousand burning suns. Happy?” 

Dean smirked as Cas nodded contentedly. They kept their hands together until they approached the tailor’s, Dean opened the door for Cas and he was overwhelmed with the smell of fresh fabric and a citrus scent. The place was designed with dark wood and low lighting, creating the effect of a den. It was a small room, but Cas could tell that behind the counter was a bigger area where most of the work was done. In the middle of the front room, a pedestal was placed before a couch, where customers had their measurements taken. 

The bell above the door rang crisply and a little Italian man came hurriedly from the back room. He smiled as he recognized Dean, shaking Cas’ hand politely as he was introduced as a man who desperately needed a new suit. 

Dean sat down at the Baroque inspired couch as Cas was placed on the pedestal to get his measurements recorded. He looked bewildered as the Italian tailor ran around him and pressed a tape measure to different parts of his body. 

“How’s your dad?” Dean asked, curious about not only his health but Cas’ involvement in it. 

“I called the hospital and they said his vitals were keeping the same levels as yesterday. They said he wasn’t going to last long, I’d guess in about a month or so he’ll… um, you know.” 

The tailor looked up from where he was paying special attention to Cas’ leg, but didn’t say anything and went back to work immediately. 

“So, is he awake?” 

“I don’t know, probably now-” Cas turned around as he was pushed gently for better access to his back measurement. 

“Shouldn’t you at least talk to him before he dies? I know you don’t like him but I think you'd regret not seeing him.” Dean could tell that Cas’ shoulders rose a little, a tell tale sign that he was getting anxious. “Or not, it was just a suggestion.” He added quickly, raising his hands innocently even though Cas couldn’t see him from his position. 

“I need to call Naomi and Anna about it, maybe Gabriel. Although I don’t think he’d care as much.” Cas mumbled, turning back around when he was done. He was given the sign that it was okay to step off and he sat on the couch when Dean talked about fabric choices to the tailor. 

Dean was given five choices before choosing a dark grey suit, casting multiple glances behind him to make sure it was the right colour for Cas. 

This was one of Dean’s favourite things to do, shopping for Cas. Not because it was fashion but because it was taking care of him, it was giving him what Dean suspected Cas never had. 

By the way Cas used up clothes until they were covered in holes and kept things he’d had for years, Dean could tell he wasn’t used to having a lot. Cas admitted a few times that his childhood wasn’t exactly filled with everything he asked for, but other than that he didn’t like talking about it. 

If he could, Dean would give Cas everything in the world if it meant he could see the child like smile spread across his face. It was innocent and simple, but something that made you want to see it over and over again. 

~

The evening was chilly, which didn’t help the uneasy feeling growing in Cas’ stomach. Dean was still dressing when Cas flew a hand through his hair and called his grooming routine done for the night. When he walked out of the bathroom, he heard Dean call him back in. 

“Come here, were you born in a barn?” He asked as he rearranged Cas’ shirt collar, also spritzing Cas with some of his own cologne when his boyfriend wasn’t looking. 

“I don’t feel well.” Cas said quietly, rubbing his hands anxiously. 

“Come on, Cas. Don’t do this.” Dean sounded exasperated, he was used to Cas’ nervousness about everything related to his work. 

“I’m serious, I- I’m not able to breath properly-” Cas leaned against the sink, staring at the floor. 

Dean grabbed Cas by his arms and started rubbing them, he tried to catch his eye but Cas was determined not to look at him. 

“Hey, look at me Cas. Stop thinking about it, I know what you’re doing.” Dean’s hand went up to clasp Cas’ cheek. 

“What am I doing?” He asked weakly, meeting Dean’s eyes. 

“You’re thinking about all the bad things that could happen tonight, right?” 

Cas nodded guiltily, his breathing still labored.

“I’m gonna be there too Cas. I’m not going to leave you alone, okay? I promise.” He stroked Cas’s cheek with his thumb and kissed him on the forehead. 

Looking down again, Cas rubbed his sweaty palms on his trousers. 

“Sorry.” He said, his voice cracking a little. 

Dean picked up his comb and ran it through his hair a couple times before glancing sideways to look at Cas. 

“I love you.” 

“What?” 

“You heard me. Even with your panic attacks and irrational moods, I still think you’re uh... well, you know.” 

Cas blushed, he’s been dating Dean for a while now but for some reason the man could still make him blush. 

“You ready?” Dean asked. 

Cas smiled and Dean grabbed his hand to lead him into the living room. He pulled Cas’ jacket onto his arms, smoothing out any wrinkles, and they walked to the car that Dean rented. 

~

The building where the party was being hosted was lighted on the outside, reflecting the outside like a glowing sentinel. As Dean and Cas walked in, the sound of laughing and general chattering filled the air, along with clinking glasses and a subtle hum of music. Cas’ senses were overwhelmed, he felt dizzy from all the different perfumes permeating from the women and the glistening diamonds. 

He tried to hold on to Dean’s hand but while wading through the crowd, his fingers slipped and they got separated for a few moments; then Dean found Cas hovering by the wall. 

Dean lent in and whispered with a quiet voice, “if I would have known you liked these parties so much I would have let you come a long time ago.” He smiled and let Cas linger by his side. 

After about an hour of pretending to be Dean’s “just friend”, Cas shoved his hands in his pockets, took a deep breath and detached himself from Dean. He made sure to keep any eye contact minimal and found a secluded area by a large window to sit down. 

It was a good spot to watch the party’s traffic, the inhabitants of the room flew about and talked to each other continuously. Cas couldn’t understand how they kept it up, the non-stopping charade. It was like a game, watching the high-powered players get pushed around by the ones lower on the totem pole. 

After about the fifth time wishing he had brought his sketchpad, Cas saw something out of the corner of his eye and looked up to see Dean walking up with a woman. She wore a green embellished gown with a deep-plunging neckline, perfectly paired with cranberry red lipstick. 

“Cas! I want you to meet Suzanne, she’s a design artist for Lord and Taylors.” Dean smiled, expecting an excited response from Cas. He stood up from his little haven and shook the woman’s hand, careful to avoid scraping himself on the multiple rings decorating her fingers. 

“I adore the name… what was it? Cas?” She had a high-powered accent to her voice. Cas wondered how many people she talked to that night, and how short of a time it would take for her to forget him. 

He nodded, wondering what to say to her. He didn’t expect Dean to try and incorporate him so much into the scene, it was probably as hard as mixing oil and water. This woman’s interest wasn’t in Cas or his art, her eyes were rarely on him in fact. 

“Cas has an interest in designing art too.” Dean offered, his hand floated above the woman’s arm, an action to prod her into the conversation. Cas clenched his teeth to abate the feeling of being light headed. The room looked like it was moving underneath him, while the smell of champagne in Suzanne’s hand didn’t help.

“Slight, I- I haven’t had classes before.” Cas mumbled. He felt the queasy feeling in his stomach return. The woman smiled, something that could’ve been mistaken for patronizing. 

“Of course, well if Dean says you’re as good as you are then I simply must see you drawings! You know I could set something up with a man I know about lessons, he’d be glad to have you.” She drank the last of her glass and giggled lightly when she stole Dean’s champagne. 

“That’d be fantastic! Right, Cas?” 

Dean looked so handsome in his tuxedo. It fitted him perfectly, skimming along his shoulders and accenting his slim waist. Cas felt extremely small all of a sudden, even in his new suit. 

The rising panic attack was nothing out of the ordinary, what was scaring him was the venue. Running out of a crowded party wasn’t an easy thing to do, Cas felt trapped in between all of the people hovering around each other. 

Suzanne weaved her arm into Dean’s; her neckline seemed to plunge lower as Cas stared at their interaction with each other. The noise at the party started to become a strange humming sound, getting louder and louder. 

“So, Cas. What did you do before turning to your artistic abilities?” Suzanne smirked, for the first time catching Cas’ eye contact. 

“You really want to know?” Cas asked, he was starting to get irritated and it showed in his voice. He didn’t understand why Dean wasn’t lifting her arm off his, why he was encouraging her behaviour. 

“Why don’t we go get you more champagne?” Dean said, trying to avoid what he knew Cas was going to say. He cast his boyfriend an angry glance and that’s what set Cas off. 

“Dean! Don’t be rude, Suzanne wants to know what I do for a living.” If Dean wanted to play this game of who was the biggest douche he could play it by himself, Cas wasn’t who Dean wanted him to be and that was fine with him. 

Suzanne giggled again and patted Dean’s arm. “Of course I want to know!” 

Cas smiled at Dean’s face, he looked scared, as if Cas was actually going to reveal that he used to be a drug dealer to Suzanne. 

“Suzanne, let’s go-” 

“No, don’t worry Dean,” Cas interrupted bitterly. “I was just going to leave anyway. I think I’m too fucked up to enjoy this kind of half-ass attempt at entertainment anyway.” 

Cas didn’t look back as he walked out angrily. He heard Dean call for him once before the anger, nervousness, embarrassment and disgust got to him and he reached the doorway at a running pace. The cool night air was like a tidal wave of relief washing over him. Cas took a deep breath and tried not to think about Suzanne’s neckline or Dean’s arm wrapped around hers.


End file.
